What Do You Choose?

The rain today matches the mood of most of the family.

Or is it their moods match the rain? I don't really know. What I do know is that dark clouds hover over the house like a potential downpour.

 

Tongues lash like sparks of lightning, and tears fall like the rain outside my window.

 

Me? I feel tossed like a leaf in the storm's wind. Flitting here and there, but not really making an impact anywhere I go and then another crisis arises and the draft floats me over there.

 

The rain, as gloomy as it may seem, pounds blessings into the earth. One drop at a time, the parched ground gets seeped in life giving water.

 

As eager as I am to share the blessings of the day, it seems to fall on deaf ears as the din of life overpower the joyful words I'm trying to give. There is so much negativity. So many complaints. So much anger. Why? There is so much to be thankful for. So much to rejoice over. But there is nothing but complaints. Have I really raised my kids to be so self centered? It's sobering. They can't look past their own momentary discomfort to see the joy that someone else is experiencing. The bad attitudes pour over me and I feel like I'm drowning in them.

 

Joy. Where does it come from? Because it's not abiding here. Joy has to be a CHOICE. Choose joy, choose love, choose blessings, even when the world (the household) is choosing something else. It's not the easy choice. It's easier to fall in the pit of despair with everyone else and wallow in the gloom that surrounds. It's more difficult to throw down a rope of joy and offer a way out. Showing them that a positive attitude brings about more rainbows than rain clouds.  

 

Not everyday is going to have a silver lining. Some days are going to be rainier and stormier than others. It's in those times, when a glimmer of light is hard to find, that we have to choose to be the light.

 

We have to choose joy. 

 

CHOOSE. Joy. Today. Everyday.





TV is Bad for My Brain...Or is it?

I love my Netflix account.

There are no commercials, I can pick what I want to watch, when I want to watch it, and I have control over what the children are watching. Want to watch the entire series of 30 Rock? Yes, please. Done and done. Does my husband want to watch The West Wing...again? Why, yes he does. Netflix also allows me to watch things I normally wouldn't, like 19 Kids and Counting. A show about the Duggar family who have19 children.

Wow.
God bless 'em. I admire their steadfastness to the Lord. I admire that they manage a family that large with no debt. I admire that the children (all of them) seem to genuinely respect their parents. This is where TV is bad for me.

I have four kids. ONLY four kids. Where Michelle Duggar can manage her whole brood AND homeschool without raising her voice, I yell. Her kids help each other, and help around the house, mine complain and the baby bites when he doesn't get his way. She was honorary duck master at some fancy hotel, I'm...well, my ducks aren't in a row.

This is why TV is bad for my brain. It brings to life all of my fears of failing as a parent. All of these other parents are not only doing a fabulous job, but they're making money at it by having a hit television show.

These ducks are so not in a row

On second thought, it's not TV that's bad for me, it's crippling insecurity. Insecurity that I'm screwing up this parenting gig, or insecurity that I'm not enough for other people. Or insecurity that I'm way too much for other people. What's bad for me is the need to compare all I do (or don't do) with everyone else, and THEN base my worth on what (I perceive) they think about me. It's a very lonely place to reside.

1 Corinthians 10:31 tells me that whatever I do I need to do it for the glory of God. It mentions NOTHING about doing things so that others will praise me, or so that I can feel better about myself. Everything, not some things, not just the "holy" things - everything- should be done for the glory of the Lord.

Paul goes on to rub salt in my wounds by asking in Galatians 1:10, "Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings or of God?" How do YOU answer that question? I know how I'd answer it and it's sobering. The verse goes on to say, "Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ."

Ouch...

I can't serve both parties. Either I serve man, or I serve Christ.

A conscious decision has to be made today, this hour, every minute. Who am I going to serve? Am I doing what I'm doing for the glory of God or for the accolades of others? I know what I want the answer to be, but putting it into practice is another story.

Philippians 4:13 reminds me that, "I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me."  ALL things. And "all things" include transforming my mind to think about what God wants from me and not about what I think man wants from me.

When Things Are Bad...

 

When things are, bad. I mean REALLY bad. Just remember they could be worse...you could have your head stuck up a buffalo butt.

 

Things to ponder...

 

 

 

Finding Time for Me

Right now the house is empty. The only sound is that of The Big Chill blaring on Netflix. All four children have been dropped off at Vacation Bible School and the hubs is at work. There is so much I need to be doing. Dishes need washed and floors need vacuumed, laundry needs folding. The house (as usual) is pretty messy. But, truth is, I haven't had "me" time in so long that I'm honestly not sure what to do with myself. With everything that needs to be done, all I WANT to do is watch movies that can't be on while children are in the house (hence The Big Chill), I want to eat junk food that I don't allow the kids to eat and I want to spend my time selfishly.

That's exactly what I plan to do...but not for long. I was not created to be a selfish being, though that's what my flesh tells me to be. God calls me to loves others before myself. This alone time I have is fabulous, but it's fleeting and insignificant. Soon the movie will be over and the junk food will be gone, but my family and all that REALLY matters will still take precedence.

Me, me, me, me, me!

So, why do I feel so guilty? Guilty about taking "me" time? Maybe it's because I'm not nearly as selfless as I'd like to believe. Instead of cleaning the house so my kids have a comfortable place to live, I'm on Facebook. Instead of making a healthy meal, I'm watching a movie on the computer that's on the counter. Instead of playing cars with my baby, I do...something else.

Truth be told, I take a lot of "me" time.

 More than I want to admit.

Why do I feel so guilty? Because I'm NOT created to be a selfish being, but that's exactly what I've become.

Praise God, His mercies are new every morning. Tomorrow can be different. Tomorrow there is another chance to truly put others before myself. God's still working on me, and I'm glad He is. I'm glad the Spirit gnaws on me enough to face the (ugly) truth. Through Christ, I can do better.  Tomorrow when the kids go to VBS, maybe "me" time will be that much more sweet.

A Day Set Apart

The week is filled with busyness. Busyness caused by jobs or home or of our own design. The Lord found the need for rest. It says that he had finished the work he'd been doing and on the seventh day rested from all his work (Genesis 2:2).

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest
Matthew 11:28


Sunday is a day set apart. It is a holy day for rest.

 

"You don't understand. I have to work on Sunday."

 

Oh yes, beloved, I understand. My husband works a second job on Sunday. My PASTOR works on Sunday. My nurse friends work on Sunday. But God calls us to a higher rest than one that is just physical.

 

A rest from worry? Yes.

 

A rest from burdens? Yes.

 

A rest from turmoil? Yes.

 

Stop cultivating the thoughts that bring about worry. After all, "can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?" (Matthew 6:27) Drop the cares that create a burden so heavy you falter under the weight. Hand over the turmoil to the one who already sees it. He may not stop the storm, but He'll walk you through it.

 

Rest.

 

Slow down and recognize the presence of the One who is holy. Seek His presence in your jobs, in your homes, in yourself. If the creator of the universe, the Alpha and Omega found the need to rest, who are we to stay busy?

 

Finish your work, lay down your burdens.

 

Rest.





There Are No Words

I'm being a lot more patient with my two-year-old lately.

Nothing has changed. I haven't read some awesome parenting books that teach me how to remain calm when he's screaming at a pitch that could break glass. I haven't figured out how to make him stop his tantrums or his hitting.

From what I have read, (which is A LOT) this is all normal for him. He understands, comprehends, and takes in so much, but is not able to verbalize what he wants or needs. Or sometimes, he is verbalizing it with a "no" and a sibling does not recognize or respect what he says. As he doesn't have much self control yet, a series of screams, or hits, or tantrums lets the world know that he's not happy.

He doesn't have the words.

The reason I'm being more patient with him is because I'm right there too.

There are no words.



The lack of words leads to
an abundance of frustration

My emotions are so jumbled and my heart is so heavy and situations around me are so confusing that there. are. no. words.

In the absence of my means of expression, there is the urge to scream and cry and hit and stomp and slam.

When it's all bubbling up and words aren't coming or they're not adequate to what I want to say, the tears start flowing. I want to jump and hit and yell because the pressure welling up inside is so great that if I don't do something I'll explode.

So much that I want to say, but again the words aren't there. And even if they were would anyone want to hear them?

There is One who hears the groaning of my heart. One who knows what I need without me uttering a word. I am so grateful for this, because I have not even the words to pray.

Scripture reminds us (me) that "the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans." (Romans 8:26) That is all I have: wordless groans (and a tantrum or two).

This feeling of helplessness is not something I'm used to, but I'm sure my son understands. I'm being more patient and kind with him for we share a nonverbal kinship. I may even join in a scream or two. Right now, I'm just trying to work through feelings- awful, painful, confusing, mixed-up feelings- with the trivial amount of self control that I have.

Happy Fourth!

Nothing says independence like homemade bottle rockets at the Science Center. 

Be safe and God Bless America