Monday, July 7, 2014

Finding Time for Me

Right now the house is empty. The only sound is that of The Big Chill blaring on Netflix. All four children have been dropped off at Vacation Bible School and the hubs is at work. There is so much I need to be doing. Dishes need washed and floors need vacuumed, laundry needs folding. The house (as usual) is pretty messy. But, truth is, I haven't had "me" time in so long that I'm honestly not sure what to do with myself. With everything that needs to be done, all I WANT to do is watch movies that can't be on while children are in the house (hence The Big Chill), I want to eat junk food that I don't allow the kids to eat and I want to spend my time selfishly.

That's exactly what I plan to do...but not for long. I was not created to be a selfish being, though that's what my flesh tells me to be. God calls me to loves others before myself. This alone time I have is fabulous, but it's fleeting and insignificant. Soon the movie will be over and the junk food will be gone, but my family and all that REALLY matters will still take precedence.
Me, me, me, me, me!
So, why do I feel so guilty? Guilty about taking "me" time? Maybe it's because I'm not nearly as selfless as I'd like to believe. Instead of cleaning the house so my kids have a comfortable place to live, I'm on Facebook. Instead of making a healthy meal, I'm watching a movie on the computer that's on the counter. Instead of playing cars with my baby, I do...something else.

Truth be told, I take a lot of "me" time.

 More than I want to admit.

Why do I feel so guilty? Because I'm NOT created to be a selfish being, but that's exactly what I've become.

Praise God, His mercies are new every morning. Tomorrow can be different. Tomorrow there is another chance to truly put others before myself. God's still working on me, and I'm glad He is. I'm glad the Spirit gnaws on me enough to face the (ugly) truth. Through Christ, I can do better.  Tomorrow when the kids go to VBS, maybe "me" time will be that much more sweet.

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